thoughts

so, ive been trying to sleep for the past 45 minutes.

so far not so good

i know i'm tired.

so exhausted from kickboxing tonight

yet. my mind is running so fast i cannot make myself calm down and go to sleep.i

basically i've had this pain in my back for a little over a year now.

i always assumed it was my kidney since i had a kidney stone when i was 14

and the pain is on the same side i had the stone on.

ive been to the ER over this they've dont tests and i could never figure out why i'm in such pain but they always say no. not the kidney.

now that i think i know what the pain really is. . . i've been doing nothing but thinking about it

and stressing about it

though it could be nothing and im sure it is

i've been having this same dream about it.

and it's beginning to scare me more and more.

i just need to go have it taken care of to put my mind at ease. . but it's so hard to sleep

and not think about it.

the whole idea of the unknown.

i don't like not knowing

espcially when it's concerning me

and my health

and my future

so i'm hoping by putting it all down in words i can somewhat clear my head and get some sleep

goddamn.

life'e a bitch.